My Life

My life…told through the guys that shaped the woman I am today. Each was a mistake, but I learned a lot from everyone one. Still, I’d rather of just of learned through a cliff notes version these lessons.

So, this is part of why I don’t trust guys. (I know I will someday, just not anytime soon) I haven’t had the best experiences with them!

I admit I’ve always been one that won’t believe or take any advice until I have seen it for myself….so there was no use warning me!

The first guy I dated was in high school….me 15, him 18. Not a good start.. It lasted a few months, I had to wait a while before my parents would approve of him and a car date with an older guy. I was just a clueless freshman thought and he was a senior in high school. I didn’t have any ideal what dating even was and apparently he had a different view about what you were supposed to do on dates than I did! He was my first kiss. I still remember telling my girlfriend’s that night, at our “slumber party” (were we too old for that..haha,) that I had been kissed and it felt gross and slimy! When he found out he was my first kiss, he pretty much dumped me the next day. Well, I wish he had.. I never get “broken up with” by just hearing it. Every guy has never been able to tell me to my face, they just walk away.

Then the next one was for a LONG TIME! It lasted three years, which was eternity when you are 19! He was my first love. (When I say love I mean, I thought it was love at the time. My real first love was my daughter!) I originally didn’t like him at all either (this becomes a common theme for me) in fact I found him rather annoying and geeky at the time. lol! But after a year in high school, I basically followed him to college (but at the time I’d never admit that) and it eventually ended horribly in my junior year. What drama we had! I thought I knew him like the back of my hand. But I never really knew him at all until we broke up, that’s when I saw a side of him everyone else had seen before, but I missed.

His family and my family actually lived on the same street growing up…that was convenient at one time, then became a hazard. We were going to get married and he even had a savings account just for the ring. We were too serious and too young. ( I think him more than me a little bit). So it ended really ended badly. He always was the jealous type, but finally he went to far. that’s all I’ll say on that one!

I eventually went on a few dates with guys from college…but they were never really my type. Usually a bit stuck up at SMU. (jk! kinda)

But there was one guy that I talked too for a semester of my junior year. I liked him and he liked me too, so we were a couple? I guess..…But as soon as we met, had to move back to Connecticut for reasons unknown to me at the time. He was coming back next semester though, so we kept talking for that time and he invited me to meet the family and everything, I just wasn’t ready to fly to a place so far away, when I hardly knew him that well yet. (actually a good decision for once!)

Anyways, he eventually came back next semester…but by then I found out (through my sorority sisters) that he actually had flunked his last semester and his parents made him come home and go to rehab! (I’m very perceptive…can’t you tell!) Apparently he was a drug addict, who’s spent all his parents money on that! His dad was CEO of this big international company (I won’t say name cause that’s be mean) but he thought (like a lot of smu kids) that he could get away with barely graduating cause he already had a future job lined up after graduation. But I guess his dad got a little mad..haha.

So, once again… I was in my own little world, looking for the best in people and blocking out the rest! How I failed to notice this though, baffels me still. It did explain why he was never hungry, why his house was always busy with friends dropping by to pick “something” up, and also the powdery white stuff all over the floor. (So just kidding, on the last one. I sure hope I was more perceptive than that)

So I figured he was lying to me about a whole lot more too, but I thought I’d give him a chance to explain. ( And I wanted to confront him to his face. Cause he was Mr. Clean Cut on the phone!) Then It was our first date out, after he had come back home…We talked that afternoon and made plans and then that evening, no sign of the guy…ever again! I never got any explanation, but what could of possible explained either! I was baffled and really hurt at the time, that was a semester that I thought I knew him . I had just talked to the guy that afternoon before the date….and then that night he was gone and wouldn’t even answer a phone call! He just disappeared! All I know, is what I heard from others, that he went back to his old drug habit and started dating a girl (who happened to have the same name as me) but who did drugs too, with him. Another common theme in my past experiences with guys, is I have always been easily replaceable and very very quickly replaced. The next one is always there a week later, He did always say he felt bad being with me because I was “a good girl” and naive and he didn’t want to rub off on me in any way. I guess, that might of been true to some extent. I don’t know where the pictures are of him, and didn’t really care to look an scan them either. At least I got a lot of free T-shirts from his dad’s company. And I’d do almost anything for a free t-shirt, haha. jk!

Then in my senior year of college, I met the master smooth talker of all time.

I went on a “family vacation,” with a dozen other families we knew..(it was for my lil sister’s highschool graduation thing) and he came out of nowhere like usual! I was not in any mood to meet another guy again already! But I assumed since our families knew each other (I loved his mom & dad) and are little sisters were best friends, that he would never lie or hurt me..but I was wrong.

We fell in love in Cabo, at all all-inclusive (all you can drink) resort. I like to think I had no choice because he was the only guy my age around. But I of course had a choice. He was running game though the first night and this is on a family vacation where he shares a room with his little brother! His pick up line was “would you like to spoon with me?” I laughed, but eventually I fell for one line somewhere down the road cause we were a “serious couple” on the flight home. My best friend was on the trip too (the one that I wrote about) She saw that all go down, and was weary of him from the beginning! He lived in Austin and me in Dallas, how horrible I thought…but how convenient he knew.

I really do think he had a girlfriend in every city in Texas and continues too today, (Especially in those cities between Dallas and Austin and just off I-35! For convenience) The only difference is that he is older now and they are actually younger! Once I graduated college, in fact the day of graduation, I caught him with another girl ( I thought I loved this guy too, btw) It was a girl I knew and was also planning on living in her apartment too that next year. (So of course that didn’t happen!) She Practically lived next door to me the next year, so I had the pleasure of seeing him quite a bit with her. Eventually, one year later the same thing ended up happening to her a year and the new girl was someone she knew too. I would of warned her..but she wasn’t going to listen to me, of course. He was just such a good talker, one of those guys that actually didn’t mind talking on the phone for hours. He could of manged a few relationships with his wireless plan!

So, that relationship lasted a year and the whole time it was really just me doing the “dating.” He was doing whatever he wanted down in Austin. When I’d go visit though, I never suspected anything…but then again he probably kept me away from certain people. Eventually it was a mutual connection though, that led to me finding out the truth. We went to a lot of “functions” during that year (especially family ones) together and put on a good show I guess….other people thought it was real too, not just me. He also said he wanted to marry me and that he loved me. But any guy that says that in the first month….probably isn’t someone you should take seriously! OK , lesson learned…But I’m really starting to get kind of tired of these lessons now….

Then I was pretty hurt for a while and somehow I got on a trend of dating the friend’s of this last ex-boyfriend above? (I admit maybe it was partly a way I thought I could get back at him too) I already had a trend of only dating guys from my hometown ( which is crazy, I know!) I never planned it…that was the last place I wanted them from, after the first ex boyfriend. They all already “knew me” before we even met…or knew the basics (my major, past bf’s, my friends, what sport I played in highschool, my parents, etc..) Maybe for some reason that felt safer to me, to date someone who’s parents I knew. But I learned a guy can be a serious momma’s boy and still never do what his momma would of wanted him to do! So I added to my bad decisions, by dating this last ex’s friends. So now I don’t even believe in “the guy code” either. I think they lie to themselves too! I thought they were supposed to never do that to a friend….(and that miller lite commercial where they sit around the table and discuss “guy code” was on all the time in 2006, so I know they got the memo!) But I didn’t really pursue them, I promise…it just happened. So I know I’m gullible now (I got that lesson) but they literally must of seen me coming from a mile away and known what to say. They knew their friend for sure, and they knew what kind of relationship I had just come from…It was a perfect chance to swoop in and pick up the pieces. The second guy, actually made that into an art form.. all we talked about for the first few dates were my ex and how horrible he was, and how different he would be…lol.

Anyway, this next guy was almost decent actually. He treated me better than any of the others, but he never planned on staying around. Even though he was a friend of the ex, he wasn’t the kind of guy that usually dates friend’s past gf’s and was actually a pretty upfront and honest guy. That’s why it hurt a lot when he said he loved me one day and then a few weeks later told me (in the nicest way possible) that he had to “take it back and was just caught up in the moment, sorry.” I told him, no take back’s allowed! But he still took it. He said he still could maybe one day, just that he didn’t mean to say it so soon.

He lived in Washington D.C., Chicago, and wherever Notre Dame is ( I forgot), all during the time we dated…so our relationship was just on the phone basically for 9 months, and I’d pick him up from the airport for every holiday he had a chance to get away for. We never got very close, but it helped me deal with the ex living next door!

Then came the devil, just kidding…(kinda)

It was a not the highlight of my life….and probably the lowest I’ve ever been…(yep, lowest) I was hurt over stuff from my past, and thought by then that all guys must be this way. I figured most women must just settle for one eventually. Or maybe they change eventually? I didn’t know what I was doing!

I got the feeling this wouldn’t be a good idea early on and I said I wouldn’t date him, consistently, for sixth months too! But he didn’t give up and in the seventh…I caved. Then I was going to “change him.” If I were as strong as I think I am now, I would of left after the first week.

He was like a different guy everyday and I never knew what to expect. He would be overly affectionate and so nice to me one day, then hate me the next. He was never the guy he said he was or would be, but I didn’t see any of the real him until later in the relationship either.

He was really an alcoholic, among other things, and I never knew what to believe that came out of his mouth. I was pretty jaded by then too. So I believed the good things, and suppressed the bad (again).

I would always take pictures though whenever he would pass out drunk on the floor somewhere, to try and remind myself who I was really dating later. And cause the next day he sure wouldn’t remember anything either. Steven D. higgins(

That should of ended after the first week, but lasted almost a full year. It still hurts to talk about how that one ended. Needless to say, that was one year ago..and now he is engaged, with a child on the way. What a great father figure! I found out he was having a baby not long after I had placed my daughter for adoption, and it really upset me. Not because I was jealous, but because he stands for everything I was trying to protect my daughter from.

It was so important to me that she have a father that loves her and is a good man! And I knew if I kept her..for one, she could possibly never have a daddy and definitely wouldn’t have one for All of her life. And two, what if I followed my same trend and the next guy was worse! I hope I would see through them now, but I won’ risk that chance with her and she needs stability first in her life! So it’s like I was/am really upset for this child (of the ex) who I don’t even know! Because they will be born into what I got to protect my daughter from. It just doesn’t make sense sometimes, but I know God has a plan foe everyone. I sure see where He stepped in and saved me from quite a lot in my life. Then next guy I met was only for a minute, and I sure wasn’t a fan of his either, but we know how that story goes…

So I’m not sure which was my favorite…if I had to choose, I’d say this guy:

Thank you Lord, for changing my life after all of them!

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